Episode 23 Script (On Food Poisoning)

Dr. Truscot-The Health Chronicles (Episode 23) On Food Poisoning (Script)
Cast: (In=In episode/ Not=Not in episode)

Dr. Truscot/In
Dr. Dontrust/In
Dr. Mister/Not
Professor Sausage/In
Smitty Johnson/In
Banks/Not
Doctor V/Not
Harvy Reynol/In

CA: Series opening.

CA: Dr. Truscot is shown.

Dr. Truscot: Okay, let me just be blunt. I don't have a ton of time to film an episode today. So I thought I would discuss something that I don't know a ton about and it shouldn't take very long! So it is a win, win! So, let me start by saying-

CA: He reappears in a new location.

Dr. Truscot: -today's topic is on food poisoning!

CA: He appears in front of a fridge.

Dr. Truscot: Now, no one wants to be poisoned from eating rotten foods. So dispose of all of those yucky things immediately!

CA: Throws them away.

Dr. Truscot: When you eat out, try to eat at home, or prepare a lunch for school or work. If you have to eat out, try to eat at a restaurant over a fast food store such as McDonalds, Wendy's, Burger King. Yes, they are fast, but they aren't the healthiest of places to eat.

CA: Professor Sausage is shown stuffing himself.

Professor Sausage: (speaks while chewing) They aren't?

CA: Dr. Truscot appears at a new location.

Dr. Truscot: No they aren't Professor Sausage. You know, now that I think about it, I don't know why I brought up the fact that you shouldn't eat fast food all the time, I mean they aren't very healthy, but since you are just as likely to eat poisoned food at a normal restaurant, or even at home... (pauses) You know what, just starve and forget about eating! Become anorexic! Everyone needs to lose some weight as it is! (pauses) Okay, not everyone, but some of us do!

CA: Professor Sausage is shown stuffing his face again and licking his bowl. He then starts to fall backwards after leaning backwards in his chair.

Dr. Truscot: Okay, scratch the idea of becoming anorexic. We wouldn't the Sausage to get mad at us. And besides, by telling you to become anorexic, that makes me sound like a bad doctor!

CA: Dr. Dontrust is shown for a second as if he is about to speak up.

CA: Dr. Truscot is shown again.

Dr. Truscot: Don't you dare make a comment about that Dontrust!

CA: Dr. Dontrust is shown sticking out his tongue at Dr. Truscot and walks away, stomping his feet.

Dr. Truscot: Now, where were we? Ah, yes! If your food doesn't look edible (video pops up showing Dr. Truscot looking at his food) or speaks to you in any way, then don't eat it, okay? Cause if it isn't edible, you could either get sick or receive food poisoning. And if your food is speaking to you, either you are crazy or a zombie has infected your food. (pauses) Let's move on, shall we?

CA: Walks up to a table.

Dr. Truscot: Now, time to do a health check on all of my food! I do this every day! I sort out my remaining food on the table and then pick what to keep that hasn't rotted and throw everything else away!

CA: Walks up to a box of cereal.

Dr. Truscot: Spoiled. (throws box off screen)

CA: Sees a banana and eats it after looking at it.

CA: Sees a box of ice cream and takes a bite of it, then proceeds to throw it.

CA: He sees a bag of carrots, sniffs it and puts it down.

CA: He looks at the bowl of Oreos.

Dr. Truscot: You know, Oreos sure do look a lot like Quick Revive Tablets.

CA: He shrugs and then eats the Oreos and walks away.

Dr. Truscot: So, now that I have gotten rid of everything that is spoiled, I am allowed to eat what I have left whenever I feel like it! And tomorrow, I will do it all over again!

CA: Harvy is shown staring at Dr. Truscot.

Harvy: So, he likes Oreo cookies? Hm, that gives me an idea! (evily starts rubbing his hands together)

CA: Harvy pulls out a bowl and throws random stuff into it.

CA: He then reaches for a spoon and begins to stir the ingredients in the bowl.

CA: Harvy is shown doing different stuff as he prepares the ingredients and eventually pours it into an Oreo cookie.

Harvy: Perfect, this can kill any brain cells in any person's body immediately! Only way anyone can survive is if you are the dumbest person in the world who has no brain cells whatsoever!

CA: Harvy looks into Dr. Truscot's home.

Harvy: Now, just to put them in a place that he is certain to eat them.

CA: He puts them down in a dark kitchen.

Harvy: No, not here.

CA: He puts them down in a living room.

Harvy: That wouldn't work!

CA: Harvy puts them down next to the dog's drinking bowl. Meanwhile, the dog comes up next to Harvy and startles him, making him run away.

CA: Harvy is shown in Dr. Truscot's office and places the bowl of cookies on his desk.

Harvy: Perfect! Now, just leave and let the magic happen! He should be up here at any moment!

CA: Dr. Truscot is shown outside of his house.

Dr. Truscot: Okay, time to go back to my summer office!

CA: He leaves.

CA: Harvy is shown again.

Harvy: Any second now!

CA: He just stares at the table.

Harvy: You know what, I will just hope for the best and come back in a hour.

CA: Dr. Dontrust is shown.

Dr. Dontrust: So, what exactly am I supposed to talk about today?

CA: He stares at the camera, but no one answers.

Dr. Dontrust: Hello?

CA: Professor Sausage is shown, with a ton of food on him and around him. He then burps.

Dr. Dontrust: Disgusting. (he walks away)

CA: Dr. Truscot is shown reclining in a lounge chair, reading a news paper.

Dr. Truscot: What?! Rebecca Black is going to release another song!! (drops news paper) Must we all die young? (raises arms) I no longer get any sleep on Friday nights as it is! Too many nightmares!

CA: Smitty is shown spinning around in a chair, holding Marsha.

Smitty: Friday, Friday, got to get down on Friday, looking forward to the weekend, weekend (screams)

Dr. Truscot: Never again Smitty, never again... (scratches his back) Uh, I have basically said all I need to say already. So, bye... (walks away)

Dr. Dontrust: Seriously? You didn't even ask for my opinion on anything today! I can be trusted, I can! Just give me another chance, give me another chance! (runs off screen)

CA: Series Ending.

CA: Smitty is shown eating a basket full of cookies.

Smitty: Why do these taste so weird?

CA: Harvy runs to Smitty.

Harvy: Smitty! Don't eat those! I filled them with poison to poison Dr. Truscot! Please tell me you didn't eat any of them!

Smitty: Uh, only seven...teen.

Harvy: Oh crap, I need to contact that food poisoning hotline! (Walks off screen) Where is the phone book when you need it!

CA: Smitty starts to eat more of the cookies.

Harvy: Smitty!

CA: End.