Episode 25 Script (On Blood Loss)

Dr. Truscot-The Health Chronicles (Episode 25) On Blood Loss (Script)
Cast: (In=In episode/ Not=Not in episode)

Dr. Truscot/In
Dr. Dontrust/In
Dr. Mister/Not
Professor Sausage/Not
Smitty Johnson/In
Banks/In
Doctor V/In as Cameo
Harvy Reynol/In

CA: Series opening.

CA: Dr. Truscot is shown walking up to the camera, appearing annoyed.

CA: Banks is shown.

Banks: Hey, what is wrong with Henry?

Dr. Truscot: Just perturbed Banks. I just found out that I am supposed to discuss blood loss today.

Banks: What is so wrong with that?

Dr. Truscot: Because the last time we talked about blood in an episode, Harvy tied me and Dr. Dontrust up, impersonated Doctor V and then left as soon as he was caught!

CA: Harvy walks up to Dr. Truscot.

Harvy: Hey, I was practicing my acting man! Don’t hate on the acting!

Dr. Truscot: Oh shut up already Harv!

Harvy: Harv-y! Not Harv!

Dr. Truscot: Eh, whatever. Besides that, by discussing blood loss, it forces me think of blood and thinking of blood reminds me of Doctor V and he never keeps good company! Stupid blood.

CA: Doctor V is shown playing with his teeth, looking in a fridge.

Doctor V: Did someone mention blood? My vampire senses are speaking to me! They always say the same thing though, blood, blood, blood, more blood, Twilight, blood. Eh, just my mind playing tricks on me again because I am awesome like that. (shrugs and looks in the fridge again) Wait a second! (turns back to the camera) Did someone call blood…stupid? Kill! Kill!

CA: He runs off the screen and then runs back.

Doctor V: Oh yeah, my senses also say kill a lot too. (runs back off screen) Kill!

CA: Dr. Truscot is shown again.

Dr. Truscot: So, it is up to me and Dr. Dontrust to discuss the problems of blood loss. Good thing he is very reliable!

CA: Dr. Dontrust is shown sleeping, speaking to himself about a dream he is having.

CA: Dr. Truscot is shown again.

Dr. Truscot: So, anyone else want to help with today’s episode?

Banks: Sorry, blood isn’t in my job description. Cleaning is. (picks up a mop) Well, bye everyone. Got to go back to my depressing job… (walks off screen, meanwhile a beeping sound is heard over the intercom) Shut up you senseless beeping!

Dr. Truscot: Okay then… I am afraid to ask this, but what about you Harvy?

Harvy: Me? (smiles) I finally get to act again! (starts to frown) Oh wait a second, what am I thinking? I don’t want to help the enemy who has taken the spotlight from me! You are evil… evil! (points to him) Your show is going down, going down low! (spits at the Dr. Truscot and walks away)

Dr. Truscot: Well, that was… interesting. I can’t get Dr. Mister or Professor Sausage to help me today, so I guess it is just you and me Dr. Dontrust!

CA: Dr. Dontrust is shown waking up.

Dr. Dontrust: Wha-what? (half asleep) Oh, okay mommy, I will go to school in a second… (falls back asleep, snoring)

Dr. Truscot: Scratch that idea. So much for the reliable Alfred Dontrust… (walks away)

CA: Dr. Truscot is shown arriving at his summer office.

Dr. Truscot: So, let’s begin! Let me start off by saying that blood is very important for you.

CA: Smitty is shown.

Smitty: I never knew that my blood was so important! I can't wait to tell Marsha and Harvy about this!

CA: Smitty runs off.

Dr. Truscot: Okay… uh, as I was saying, blood is important for you. So, if you are losing blood, it can make you feel very weak, light headed and tired. The more blood you lose, the worse it is. If you lose too much of it, you could die.

CA: He is shown inside.

Dr. Truscot: However, on occasion, people generally will only get scrapes, minor cuts or paper cuts.

CA: Dr. Dontrust is shown reading a book.

Dr. Dontrust: Ow! Paper cut!

CA: He rushes to the bathroom, applies water, blows on his paper cut, gets a ton of bandages, medical tape and gloves.

CA: He walks back to his chair, sits down and opens up his book again, wearing gloves with a ton of tape wrapped around them.

CA: He then whacks his arm, cutting it, screams and runs back to the restroom.

Dr. Truscot: Dr. Dontrust just accidentally demonstrated what I just told you all. Good job Dr. Dontrust!(smiles and gives a thumbs up)

CA: Dr. Dontrust is shown attempting to create a cast around his arm.

Dr. Dontrust: I assure you Dr. Truscot, I didn’t plan on this! (he pricks his arm) Ow! (trips and falls backwards onto the ground) OW!

CA: Harvy is shown watching TV.

CA: Smitty runs in.

Smitty: Hey Harvy! Guess what!

Harvy: What is it Smitty?

Smitty: Blood is important for me!

CA: Harvy stares at Smitty.

Harvy: Blood is very important Smitty, but why do I get the feeling you don't have much blood up there in your noggin?

Smitty: I don't know what that is supposed to mean, but that sounds awesome!

Harvy: Just as I thought. You are absolutely brain dead.

CA: Harvy stares at Smitty.

CA: Smitty stares at Harvy.

Harvy: (sarcastic) Perhaps blood isn't very important for you after all.

Smitty: Really? That is so cool! I can't wait to go and tell Truscot that!

CA: Smitty leaves the area.

Harvy: Wow, what an idiot...

CA: Dr. Truscot is shown walking onto the screen.

Dr. Truscot: Well, aside from the occasional injury, you have to be careful with everything you do so that you don’t result in absolute pain from a wound. So if you are being mugged, do as they say or else you could get injured and lose blood. If you are in a car accident, hopefully you were buckled in. If you get into a freak accident with a chain saw, well, I can’t help you there. If you are vampire, well, you are searching for blood to begin with anyways!

Doctor V: (off screen) Kill!

CA: Doctor V tackles Dr. Truscot.

CA: Dr. Dontrust is shown trying to walk with all of the bandages he has wrapped around himself.

Dr. Dontrust: Well, on the bright side, at least I am now 100% safe! (he trips and falls over) Ow…

CA: Dr. Truscot is shown walking to his home, limping.

Dr. Truscot: I have had it for today! As far as I am concerned, this episode is over! (he sits down on his stair case)

CA: Smitty is shown running onto the screen and is out of breath.

CA: Dr. Truscot stares at him.

CA: Smitty holds up a finger, suggesting that he is still out of breath.

Smitty: Phew, I just ran forty feet! I am so tired! Anyways, Truscot, Harvy said blood is very important, but not for me!

Dr. Truscot: Really now? (pauses) Smitty, have you ever heard of a therapist?

CA: Smitty still appears out of breath and falls over.

CA: Dr. Truscot is shown as Smitty falls over.

Dr. Truscot: I take that as a no. Well, bye everyone! I have to go make an appointment for Smitty! (he gets up and walks off screen) Now how exactly am I going to carry him?

CA: Series ending.

CA: A room is shown.

Dr. Dontrust: I am still here, tied up from my own bandages, on the ground… hello? Help? (pauses) Crap…

CA: End.


Note (Bonus):

Dr. Truscot: I wonder how Blind Jeremy would cope with blood loss?

CA: Blind Jeremy is shown in a car.

Blind Jeremy: I'm a good blind driver!

CA: He drives away, screaming and crashing.

Dr. Truscot: Eh, who am I kidding? If he got injured, he wouldn't even know it. Can't see. Poor fella.