My new book is in progress :D

applepie533 wrote:write*


corrected your spelling mistake

How did I miss that?

Yeah don't be like "Lalalalala happily ever after" and stuff, because it's corny and boring.

make the kid commit suicide at the end by blowing himself up

:'(
Why suicide...?
Don't make fun of that kind of stuff.

how am i making fun of it? I'm giving my idea for his ending.

That's a bad ending though...

Alright, you people need to decide whether you want a good or bad ending.

IMO after the way this book sounds it should be a happy ending. Lol

I think it should end with a dark yet hopeful undertone.

How about a hint at a sequel at the end.
Like a cliffhanger.

That would be good too.

LOL. Ya, there are a ton of ideas.

Sample of a new book. I'm putting the old one on hold:
This is the first half of Chapter one, and I will not be posting anymore excerpts due to the fact publishing companies will consider it "Self-Published" if I do.

The weather was decent for an early spring day; warm weather, sunny, the occasional cirrus cloud. A breeze was conjured up and the pines made something that resembled a whistle. Noah made his way to a stone bench and stared at the chickens. He had to the whole day to indulge in any activities he desired and it was still early morning. He turned around and there, in front of him, was the enormous mass that was his grandparent’s house. Two bay windows embellished the front of the house and were decorated with fine silk curtains. Three chimneys protruded from the roof, the largest to the extreme right, and the shortest in the center, where the roof was highest. The house itself was practically a monumental log cabin, constructed of pine logs. He stood up, stretching his back, causing his spine to form an arc. He let out a great yawn and went to retrieve a large pine branch. He swung it experimentally and started swinging it at the chickens. Noah was fourteen years old although he certainly didn’t look his age. He was of slight build, and small stature; his height was so significant, you could easily mistake him for a boy of ten years. His thin brown hair was longer than the norm; down to his neck. The wind caught it as another breeze occurred. His eyes were brown, a brown as deep as an ocean of molten chocolate. His nose was slightly crooked due to the fact he got in a distasteful argument with his uncle several years prior. His skin was white, although signs of a tan were present. His lips were thin, but wide which gave him a radiant smile, although he seldom did smile. He was wearing a brown leather shirt and trousers of the same variety. His shoes were made of a flimsy material that slightly resembled leather. His hands and arms were thin, which caused enemies to frequently mistake his strength. After chasing the chickens around for about five minutes, he retracted the stick and ceased his attempts to cause the chickens pain. He realized he was amusing himself by torturing animals; the last thing he wanted was his grandparents thinking he was a sadist. He walked over to a pine tree and leaned against it. He gradually slid down, bending his knees simultaneously until he was eventually sitting. He knew he would never see a day like this again and it was not due to the “once in a lifetime” cliché but because his grandparents were moving to another province. He let out a sigh and inhaled an exhilarating breath. He rose and he saw his grandmother coming around the corner of the house. She carried her feeble body with a significant amount of pride. “Dear, would you like some meat pie, I made a fresh batch just for you.” She said and gave a weak smile. Noah’s grandmother was of slight build, and just like her grandson, of small stature. She had thing, wispy, white hair that was tied in a bun. Her eyes were half shut and she wore glasses with very thin lenses. A plethora of wrinkles littered her visage, but that gave her the warm, mother-like appearance. She wore a fine while silk dress and she was white cotton slippers. Her skin was immensely pale and with her white apparel, made her resemble something close to an apparition. Noah rose and he let out another yawn. He followed her grandmother to the front of the house. The door was in a small niche in the wall and to either side of the door were two gargoyles. Noah cringed at the sight of them and was thankful no such creature existed. She opened the door and he found himself in the foyer. It was littered with small knick-knacks and large embellishments. In the center of the foyer, a large marble staircase spiraled up to the floor above. To either side of the staircase were arcs that led into other rooms. To the left of the door, another gargoyle was observing the stairs, a sinister grimace on its face, its talons sharp and fierce. To the left of the arc to the right, there was a mahogany table with a small stone dragon expelling fire from its mouth. There was also a large potted plant with pink petals and cilia running down its green stem. There was a painting to the left of the door way and it depicted a fierce giant, fifteen fathoms tall tearing humans and sheep apart; and the devouring them. “How inhumane” thought Noah. There were windows at the back of the room and two on both sides of the door. They went through the arc to the right and appeared in the kitchen. The kitchen was larger than the norm, but still not large enough to overwhelm anyone. There was a counter to the right and windows on either side. Against the back of the room was a clay oven and in the middle of the counter was a sink. Above the counters were mahogany cabinets with engravings of strange, exotic creatures. The delightful savory aroma filled the room and the only other smell was that of pines. Noah wasn’t that hungry but after his first bite of pie; he didn’t quite recall how he ate three whole pies. The delectable taste flooded his taste buds, and he had an overwhelming compulsion to eat more. After his fourth pie, his grandfather came in. His grandfather was the polar opposite of him and Noah and his grandmother; of massive build and monumental in height. His hair was short and a mixture of grey and black, grey being the dominant color. His eyes were blue and piercing, like ice. He wore a fine silk top and trousers crafted of some exotic material. “I see you had fun prodding the chickens around, hmmm?” he boomed. Noah’s face turned a deep shade of red. “It took you about five minutes before you stopped!” His grandfather burst out laughing. “Now, now Roger, don’t embarrass him.” She frowned. His laughing ceased and his face become solemn for a few moments and then a radiant smile dominated his face once more. “Enjoying the pies I see?” He inquired? “Yes, they’re delicious.” Said Noah, with a neutral tone. “Mind if I have a slice honey?” he asked his wife. She complied and cut him a large slice of meat pie. He devoured it and his voice boomed throughout the house once more “Having fun Noah?” he bellowed. “Yes, thank you for asking.” He gave a weak smile. “We’ll be moving tomorrow,” Said Noah’s grandfather, his smile being converted into a frown. “To Paladar.” Said he. Noah’s expression was one of puzzlement. “But that’s mountainous and full of plateaus, of all places, you move there?” he inquired. “Because we have work to do there.” Noah grandmother said hastily. “What type—‘’ Noah stopped short, knowing it would be unwise to continue any further. An awkward silence filled the room. Noah’s grandfather was the first to talk. “Well, I better pack our valuables; we’re leaving tomorrow.” He got up and made his way to the staircase. “Wait! Grandpa, can I come with you? I hate where I live; I love my parents but I constantly endure a life of poverty and I can’t stand it!” Noah’s grandfather, stood there, not expected that last comment. “Ummm… we’ll take about it tonight, alright?” He scurried out of the room, making an attempt to evade any other questions. “I’m going to my room, is that alright Grandma?” He inquired. “Of course.” She complied. He made his way to the spiral staircase, and on every step, he noticed an engraving. He noticed they we’re all intertwined, forming something that resembled a story. It showed some voracious creature slowly, gradually, stalking a brave warrior, until eventually, it struck, killing the warrior instantly; Noah cringed.

That was longer than before. Lol

Lol. Any criticism in particular? Or compliments.

yeh i read some of it it's good btw when is it set lol

I have no idea, I'll post some more if you want, but it's your decision. Glad you like it.

Well it is your book so it is your decision. We just give suggestions.

This is how it works. I pretend to write, you guys come up with the ideas.
It's like a sweatshop. Lol. But Flareon, you're right, I'll keep it to myself until I think my writing needs revision.

Ya, I think wait until it is done and safe and if you want a suggestion, as for that reason.

best time set for a book with fights is basically hen the only guns were muskets and stuff therefore u have guns and shooting and still have swords and close up hack and slash

You mean the Revolutionary war? That would be 1700's.

yeh about then i was thinking of napoleon war

Well that is close enough.