The Death of A Soul

Day by Day, Second by Second, Breathe by Breathe, Memory By Memory. The instant we are born into this world we become enslaved by the government, by money, by greed. We are fed from the very instant we take that first breath of filtered air that we are free. Freedom is just a word, an ideal, a form of control in order to completely torment us each and every day that we can become more. That first moment we know what pain is we ourselves have begun to kill and destroy the world and our surroundings. Yet, we try to safe the Earth; yet we never are going to save the Earth, we only care about ourselves, our well being, our safety, our own sense of greed. To truly save the Earth one thing needs to take place, a complete utter destruction of our greed, to which we can rid the world of its cancer. Human Kind.

Thats a very depressing way to look at it.

I just wrote that. I'm actually writing a horror book series and debating about publishing my fiction series

Nicely done!

Some constructive criticism; I change the second 'yet' to 'but' from the following line. "Yet, we try to safe the Earth; yet we never are going to save the Earth." Also, the word 'never' should be swapped are 'are'.

So it would read like this, "Yet, we try to save the Earth; but we are never going to save the Earth."

That way you aren't repeatedly using 'yet', and the sentence flows better.

Thanks C.J. I realized that. I'm the type of writer who doesn't care how the thing reads when I'm not actually writing. So if I make mistakes, I make mistakes, more or less proves that I'm human. Just like the rest of the world

Okay, it's your work so I won't ask you to change it if you like it as it is. However, I prefer to think of my writing as something that can grow and become stronger as it is improved, therefore making an ever larger impact on the world. Yes, all humans make mistakes. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't fix them if we can. Anyway, I like what you wrote there even if it is somewhat depressing as Chris pointed out.

I'm pretty much the same. I haven't had the great ability to write about the great things out of life. I'm able to take different perspectives of death and life and write about them from different views.

Today a French soccer coach at my college offered to pay me to help him write his autobiography/memoir (I can phrase things in English better than he can and helped him edit papers in the past). He says it will contain a lot of philosophical musings so it's an interesting opportunity. I may take him up on the offer even though I already have two jobs this summer. >_<

I write books, draw, do graphic designing, paint portraits and landscape about whatever, then i edit things for people and play soccer

Razgriz700 wrote:I write books, draw, do graphic designing, paint portraits and landscape about whatever, then i edit things for people and play soccer

So basically you're an artistic athlete.

Pretty much. On a good week I can make around like $650, and graphic designing works out pretty well so I really don't have to worry about money